Today’s unfortunate names are brought to you by Canada, French people, and Major League Baseball.
1) First off, we have rapeseed. Rapeseed is no longer called rapeseed, it is called Canola. Why? Because CANada wanted to market rapeseed without using that nasty sounding word. Besides, last time I checked, the product of a rapeseed is called a bastard.
Anyway, here is the story on Canola:
It’s often called Canada’s “miracle crop”. It’s marketed as a healthy alternative, and, for the moment, growers can even make a living. But is Canola oil actually healthy? And for whom? The name Canola, from “Canada oil”, was the signal that some sophisticated marketing was going to take place. Canola was the first crop created modern plant breeding methods. It is usually credited to Baldur Stefanson at the University of Manitoba, who took rapeseeed, previously used as a lubricant in ship engines, and bred varieties that were low in erucic acid and glucosinates. In 1979 the Rapeseed Crushers Association decided the new “double low” varieties should be given a different name to avoid association with previous rapeseed products sold as cooking oil. It was no coincidence the new name rhymed with granola. As concerns over levels of saturated fat in other oil products grew, the new product entered the market as an alternative low in saturated fat, but high in desirable oleic acid. Demand skyrocketed and farmers rushed to buy seed.
Rapeseed Crushers Association? Do you think they are Pro-Choice, then?
And is Canola as great for you as everyone thinks? Dunno. Decide for yourself here.
2) Next up, we have “a la mode.” This actually means “in the fashion,” not, “with ice cream.” That would actually be “avec la crême glacée,” which is much harder to say. Since anything can be “in the fashion” of something else, this means virtually nothing.
PC Mac a la mode (A PC in the fashion of a Macintosh).
Picasso Van Gogh a la mode (A Picasso in the fashion of a Van Gogh)
Dog Turd Casserole a la mode (A dog turd in the fashion of a casserole… which most casseroles taste like anyway.)
3) Next on the list: Eggplant. Yeech! What the hell is that thing growing on a plant? It looks like it should be throbbing gently, like it pumps fluid to the other parts of the plant or something. Talk about Little Shop of Horrors! But while I don’t mind the taste, what I really want to know is,
SINCE WHEN ARE EGGS PURPLE?
It is neither an egg (at least of the avian, chicken variety) nor is it wholly a plant in and of itself.
4) Ugly Fruit. Enough said.
5) That stupid stadium thing in Houston. It USED to be ENRON FIELD. Then ENRON went south, and the building longed for a name. So they named it… Minute Maid Park.
Two questions:
a) Who the F*CK drinks orange juice at a ball game?
b) How does a FIELD become a PARK?
This whole concept of selling the name of your park to the highest bidder is ridiculous. What happened to dead people? They used to get everything cool named after them… JFK has a major airport named after him (as does La Guardia), and MLK has a street in every single city in the nation. (Even Malcolm X has a small street intersecting MLK street in Dallas). What does it say when your ball stadium is named 3COM park, or Minute Maid Park, or Compaq Center (I’m sorry, it will ALWAYS be the SUMMIT to me, and I don’t care what religous cult moves in)?
I’ll tell you what it says. It says that some sports teams are all about the money. Remember that when you pay $40.00 or more for two tickets.
Thank God there is still “The Ballpark at Arlington” and “Yankee Stadium,” “Dodger Stadium” and “Oriole Park at Camden Yards” to prove to me that some teams aren’t just all about the benjamins.
