This one I can just tell you. It’s written by “Mitch,” my sister’s mustachioed ex-girlfriend.
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Good things come in time! I learned that the hard way. All my life I always wanted things done right then and there. I thought life sucked. Many times I tried to end it. I never saw the beauty of life it self. Now when I wake up every morning I’m thankful that I was able to live one more day. You know life is what you make it and the truth is that I just didn’t make much of it until one day someone gave me the chance of a life time. But here is the story of my life.
Well I was born in Arkansas, June 10, 1980. Being raised in Miami I had a pretty rough life well for the most part I could say that that I brought that on myself but we’ll get into that later. Well how can I start, let me start by my family. I have a sister, Jessica. My mom Sara and my real father Marcos who I will talk about later and my daddy (stepfather) Ramon.
My sister is sneaky but I’ve always really admired her for her strong will. Sometimes she would really get on my nerve but what did I expect she is my little sister! I really wasn’t the best sister. I was hardly ever there for her. She says that it didn’t effect her but still believe I could’ve being a better sister since I am the oldest.
Now my mother, now there is a tough lady. She loves my sister and I dearly. In my eyes she always tried her hardest to be the best she could be, but while we were growing up she made some wrong turns that effected all of our lives. Today I could talk to my mom like is she is my best friend and not think of her as my mother who I’m supposed to be intimidated by. She is the best and just like me she has changed a lot. I am very proud of saying that she is my mother!
Then there is my father Marcos Eduardo Zamora. Well let’s just say that I don’t like him very much and I really don’t care much to see or know where he is right about now. You see he left my sister and me when I was only two and didn’t even send a birthday card in eleven years. So he is not really a big part of my life. I guess I just could thank him for being around so that I could be born.
So now back to the story, So now my dad leaves us and my mom just moves on as usual. She has always been really strong willed and very self-reliant. So she meets Tati. He was younger than she was but he was great with us. We lived in a small apartment and I remember my mom would work at night and Tati would work in the day. This was great for my mom and we were happy. Until one night Tati was taking care of us and all his friends were over at the house. They were drinking and smoking pot in front of us. So the next morning we went and told my mom. She was furious and the next day while he was working we packed up and left. He begged my mom for forgiveness but it never worked after that we never ever saw him again. My mom says that he is happily married and has two baby girls.
So after a couple of weeks we moved in to another apartment in Hialeah. A guy that my mom had met a couple of months before helped us move. He was really nice and my mom really liked him. He seemed to be real good to us so he moved in with us. But unfortunately he wasn’t anything of what he seemed to be. My only thoughts were, “Oh great a new dad!� but little did I know this man was going to destroy my whole family. After a while of living with us he started to convince my mom that when kids do something wrong they but are taught a lesson. Well his point of view of how a lesson should be taught was by hitting us. So my mom became very physical with us and did what Vidal said to do. I’ve always been a very stubborn little girl so I was always in and out of trouble, whipping after whipping. It got to the point that I didn’t know weather I was going to get in trouble when I got home from school or not. While all this was going on Vidal would give us a shower everyday and everyday he would stick his finger in us and molest us. It would hurt after wards but it would go away and everything would be fine. We never though anything of it cause we trusted him as the role he was taking. As our father figure until one day my nosey great-aunt Rosa came along and started asking questions.
Well Rosa is my mothers aunt, my grandmothers sister. She was really the closest family my mom had at one time but something happened and they really don’t like each other very much. Once in a while my mom would take us to her house so that we could play with our cousins. It would be lots of fun and I really liked playing with them. The only problem was that my aunt got really suspicious about my parents and started asking us questions. We didn’t think any thing of it and answered her answers as any kid would: truthfully and innocently. As time passed Rosa started to put one and one together and figured out that he was abusing us.
Well time passed and my grandparents from my mother’s side came from Cuba and for some reason my mom didn’t like my grandmother very much. But anyway from the beginning of when things started till 4 years after nothing had changed as matter of fact it had gotten worst. But from one day to another my whole life changed!
Well I’ll never forget this. Vidal and my mother went out for a minute and next thing I know the phone rings, it was my aunt. My sister was in my parents room and I was in the closet locked in. my aunt had called the cops so next thing you know they were there. They started knocking really hard and threatened to brake the door down so I told my sister to open the door cause we would be in bigger trouble if when my parents got home there would be no door. So my sister opened the door. They took us to the police station and as we were coming inside the doors guess who was there? My aunt, and cousin Nancy, and her boyfriend Eddy. They were all very loving all best of all my 2 cousins were at my aunts house! You see we weren’t sure of what was happening so we just thought it was a get together to see my cousins and they were so much fun so my sister and I just went along and we left with my aunt. And as soon as we got there we started to play with Nicholas and Kadin.
But the only problem was that I started to think…�Where are my parents?� “Why did the cops came and got us instead of my aunt?� Man nine years old and with all these questions I didn’t know what to think. Then here comes my aunt and she let me have it! Boy did she, she told me everything she explained why Vidal was so interested in showering us and why the cops came to the house. She told me that the way that my sister and I were being treated wasn’t right. And that’s when I started to see the truth behind it all. You see we were two young girls that loved our mother very much so if mom loved Vidal we never thought that he would do anything to hurt us since to us he is our Papi. Well awhile after my mom and Vidal came to the house. I was very happy to see my mom but I had all these weird feeling towards Vidal all of a sudden. It was like my eyes were opened to all his garbage that I never saw.
Well this is when things get ugly! City of Hialeah arrested my mom for child neglect. They took her down to the women annex. And of course I didn’t know anything about this. Vidal got arrested for child abuse. They say that he cried like a baby when they were taking him away.
This is about the time my life changed… we started to go see all these therapist and shrinks. We got so much attention that it was pathetic. There were a couple of unpleasant times like the time they took us to the rape treatment place. We were still little girls and VIRGINS! But they assumed that Vidal had raped us and they just stretched us apart and ripped us apart trying to take pictures for evidence! I really believe that that was the most painful part of everything until I found out that my mother had being put away. I couldn’t put two and two together but I couldn’t believe that my mommy was in jail over something that she didn’t do. Or to my eyes she hadn’t done anything but my aunt said that that was the problem that she didn’t do anything to prevent it. Now my question was did my mom know anything about it to be able to do anything about it. My mom was very physical and she was very hard on us but never did she take part on what he was doing to us sexually and I know that she didn’t know anything about this.
Well, now came the court day and we had to testify. And the fun part was that Vidal was there so I could tell on him in front of him. They were so hard on us. They were so damn tricky and so ruthless. For Gods sake we were two 9 and 8 year old. I was going to explode. I swear that his lawyer had no compassion. The next day it was my sister’s turn to testify. They say she pulled through like a champ. I was very proud of my sister because although she was very quiet about all this somehow she got through it. My sister kept to her self after the trial. She was very cold to me. And on top of all this my mom testified against us because she didn’t believe us. She thought that we were saying all this just to get back at Vidal. Out of everything that happened to me I really believe that that was what hurt me the most. I still don’t know to this day why my mom couldn’t just believe Jessica and I. I mean we are her daughters. But what can I say I guess she had her own reasons. She afterwards said that it was because we lied so much but I still don’t believe that that is any excuse. I was able to forgive her I mean after all she was my mother.
Well after the trial the decision was reached. Vidal got twenty-five years in prison on two counts of for child rape. The court said that my mother was not a fit mother and that she was not to talk to us without any supervision. They also said that the only way that my aunt could keep us was to become a foster mother because she wasn’t an immediate family member. So my aunt became a foster mother and we didn’t see our mother anymore. We tried to keep our lives as normal as possible, but how could we if the only thing that my aunt ever said to us was that my mother was a bad woman and that she really didn’t love me! That would really drag me down. I refused to believe her and I insisted on seeing my mom. And so it happened my therapist Alicia Rodriguez set up a meeting so that she could see me. For some reason every time I would see my mom my stomach would start turning and I would feel really weird because my therapist would upset her and we would leave worst than when we entered the room. So it got to the point that every time that I would go see my grandparents my Grandfather would sneak me to go see my mom and it always went well. Until my aunt started to figure out what was really going on and she was very upset when she found out that we were seeing my mother behind any supervision. I couldn’t see why that was so wrong I mean after all she is my mother and I couldn’t believe that any one would try to tear a family apart.
At this time I started to realize all the hate that had being going on now for such along time. My aunt didn’t love us and she hated my mother but HRS pays well to foster mothers and that’s what we were, two foster kids that just happen to be related. I began to really hate everyone and became very rebellious. Why did my aunt constantly call me a demon? She would always say how much I was alike to my father. And in my book he was a scumbag for leaving me at such a young age and for not being there to help me understand. So I just started to feel all this hate.
It was now 1991 and I was 11 years old. I was very rebellious and I thought I knew it all. I just started to fuck up royally! I started to steal from my uncle so I could give it to my ‘friends’ so they would be my ‘friends’. This went on for awhile till one day I got really tired of always hearing about what a piece of shit I was and how much of a bitch my mother was. I was tired of hearing for my mother was what a nosey piece of shit my aunt was for taking us away from her. You know to me they were my family and I didn’t want to choose between family members. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I told my therapist who was sort of the only one who I thought really understood me to take me to another foster home. And so about a week later there was Norma Napoles.
Norma Napoles was a really nice lady and a very caring woman. . Norma was a very special lady. Her little girl died when she was only 11 years old and after that she dedicated herself to making the lives of other girls better. She made many girls lives happier and better but others such as myself refused her help.
So I moved in. There I found 11 other girls that lived there. It was cozy. It was like I had a bunch of older and younger sisters too. So as the story goes a week after being there I ran away. This is actually very funny… I ran away to a McDonalds that was very close to the house. After being there for a couple of hours I called Janel.
Janel was my best and only friend that I had at the time. She had been married to my 3rd cousin or something like that but they got a divorce. But even after that she would be the only one that wasn’t a damn hypocrite. I loved and admired her a great deal! She was the only one that I could tell anything to and she would never judge me or tell me that I was no good, but when I was wrong she would be the first one to correct me. I really trusted her and I respected her very much. So after having decided I called her and told her that I ran away and I told her where I was. She immediately called Norma and told her where I was. I really didn’t know how to feel when I turn around and there was Norma instead of Janel. At first I felt as if though she had betrayed me but now I realized that any adult that gave a shit about a 12 year old would’ve done exactly what she did. So we went back to the house but it didn’t last long.
Now there was a different problem. Well since me and my mom weren’t getting along Janel would come over and pick me up we would go to the beach. I know you might ask yourself how is this a problem but you see with all this time that I was spending with Janel and her parents that said that they would look into adoption. My mother was losing full custody of my sister and me! That was a great chance to get adopted by them. You see to me my mother will always be my mother weather or not HRS said so but if she lost her rights as a mother that would mean that Janel and her family could adopt me. I was thrilled by this idea. I was so thrilled that I never stopped to think how my mom would feel about all this. I never saw that I was being so damn selfish that I was blind!
So we went to the HRS offices and there was my mom. At the time I didn’t think about it but imagine going to court after 3 years fighting the system just so your own daughter could tell you herself that she doesn’t want you as her mother anymore. Well that’s exactly what happened! Then after the hearing was over my mother turned me around and asked me herself if this was the way that I wanted it to be. And I just simply said with no emotions what so ever “Yes this is how I want it� And just went my own way. My god what must I had being thinking this was my mother I was talking about but I didn’t care because I was looking at the chance that Janel was going to adopt me.
Well a week passed and I just felt guilty as ever how could’ve I done such a thing to my own flesh and blood! Right about then I just started to skip school and self-mutilating my self. I kept cutting my arms just to make up for what I knew hurt my mother. That’s when Norma catches me. She sits me down and asked me what were all those cuts but I just lied and said that it was a cat! Ha! I was being stupid and I just didn’t realize just how much I had just fucked up! There goes Norma and calls Janel at work she was so disappointed in me that she told me not to call her. And when Norma tried to call Janel’s family they were equally surprised at me and said that there was no way hat they where going to adopt me just so I could have somewhere to shit at. They didn’t want me to corrupt their ‘good home’. I was shit out of luck I had burnt my wishful thinking by being selfish and not knowing how my actions would hurt those who love me! And not only that but I sold my mom out for some people that weren’t my family just cause I thought I was going to have it good!
So I lost my only friend Janel. I hurt my mother to the point of no return. Norma was getting tired of my shit too. What was I going to do! Well this is where I went into Deering Hospital. Great place but who knew it was a mental hospital and not a regular hospital. My main purpose was to get Janel’s attention. And thanks to god it did. Actually it got everyone’s attention…my aunt, my mom, Janel, and Alicia my therapist. Everyone came to see me! And I loved it but then it stared again the self-hate because every time that there was a visit I had to split myself into 4 different parts or else there would be a conflict. “Oh I came all this way and you are going to go see your mother� my aunt would say to me. Or my mom would say “Damn Michelle it seems impossible to me that with all the shit that that lady has put you through you would go see her instead of me�. So my doctors thought it would be best if I didn’t see my mom anymore since she was the one with a messed up past. So I wrote a Dear John letter that really hurt her and that I regret giving to her from the beginning. Well after 65days in acute treatment and probably the best time I had in a very long time. See the funny part about this place was that you’re in there with a bunch of fuck-ups and you getting really close to all these people. You cry and laugh and feel all kind of emotions before you leave that when you are ready to leave you don’t want to because as long as you are in there you are secured by walls that you learn to love. But I’ll never forget July 3, 1993 I was released.
And so I went back home with Norma. The girls were still crazy as ever and I still felt empty like as if though there was something missing in my life. So I ran away with this girl named Tiny. She was cool. She got me into a whole lot of shit! Well you see we ran away and her friend had some pot and cocaine. And so we started to smoke and snort. Nothing mattered. Well the next morning I went to Janel’s house at 6:00 am and woke her up I was drunk, high, and wet from being at the beach the night before. Boy she got in that car and told me “Girl what the hell are you going to do with you r life you are 13 stinking years old what are you going toâ€?. Well after a long talk she dropped me off at Norma’s house and when Norma saw me she brought me in the house gave me milk and started to try to knock some sense into my head! Well about 9:00pm I was still passed out and when I open my eyes guess whom it was Janel. That’s when she told me that her to had had drug problems too in the past but thanks to God she got through it. I was just happy that she understood me! But of course I just had to do things all backwards! I ran away again. But this time who would’ve thought that I was going to learn so much about everything. Well I ran away with this time with a girl named Amanda Zeller she was not all there in her head but she was my friend. So anyway we ran away to her brothers house John. He was 6’2â€? and all right looking. He was really nice to me. There also was Punch. I found out latter that Punch was John’s old high school love. So we went on a head we got caught a couple of times but we always ran away. About two months after being with John I gave up my virginity to him. It was very pleasant but not a big deal to me. We stayed together for awhile. My mother would come and visit me and give me advice that I never took but wish I had. But I had gotten impetigo and I had lice and I was living in a very dirty environment. I was very sick and I missed my sister very dearly.
So one morning out of the blue someone knocks at the door. I was sleeping so Amanda came woke me up and told me that my parents and my sister was out there! Immediately I got up out of bed and change into something clean and asked Amanda if she was sure if it was my mom but she said it wasn’t. But just when I was refusing to go out the door I heard a voice that said these exact words: “Tell her that it’s her FATHER Marcos Eduardo Zamora!� I could’ve shat it my pants. My father what the fuck was he doing in Miami anyway. Where did he come from? Why in the world would he be here anyway, what the fuck did he care! Eleven years after I’ve already grown up and now is when he comes around.
Well three days after thanksgiving there he was. I came out of the house and there he was. About 5’7� dark hair with sunglasses on and a tank top. Next to him were his wife, Fefa and his stepdaughter Diana. I had met Fefa and Diana when my father’s parents came from Cuba in 1990. I didn’t remember him much but I knew who they where. So when he sees me he hugs me really hard and kisses me and makes me a proposition his exact words were, “Michelle come to Tampa with me and lets start all over� At the time the answer was yes but I really wish I had said no. Well next he said, “Is there anything you want before we go.� The only thing I wanted was to see my sister that I missed so much. So we went to my aunt’s house. He saw my sister and he hugged her and gave her $50. And after that we were well on our way. But first we had get a ‘PAN CON BISTEC’ Damn those things are so good! But anyhow the whole trip there I was still trying to believe my eyes. Wow! I thought to myself my real father.
It was great when I got there I had my very own room! We got me all cleaned up my hair cut and we started to make arrangements so that my dad could gain custody. We went and got me a new wardrobe and we got me a rabbit. I loved it. It was just like I wanted it. My dad was so loving and so generous. He would call my sister every other day and he would have long talks with him until one day he started arguing with me because he was drunk. He started to say that I was using him to get to my mom and that I didn’t love him so I got mad and left. In the middle of no where I started to walk away but he got in to his car and cut me off. He begged me to please get in the car so I did and then he started to cry! He told me stories of how I was when I was born and how I used to sleep by his side every night. It made me very happy that he still remembered me but of course I didn’t live happily ever after. Marcos is a very possessive person and he thought that I was the same little girl that he left behind. For a short time he was a good dad, but after a while it all changed! Marcos is an alcoholic and I noticed that everyday after work he would bring home his friend and a 12-pack and just sit in the garage the whole time till sundown and sometimes even later.
One day I remember I was outside with him in the garage and his friend “The Bird Man� was there. They were both drinking but my step-mom said to go take his beer away so that he would realize that it was getting very late, but when I did he slapped by hand and he screamed at me. That made me cry because it didn’t make sense but life went on. One day in conversation my father wanted to know if I wanted to see my mother and I told him yes. So a couple of weeks later we went down to Miami to see my mom. She was happy to see me. Marcos talked to her for awhile and then we left. It felt good to see my mom and not worry about my aunt telling me not to because she didn’t love me. But anyhow a couple of months after I moved in with my dad, he brought my sister to live with us. Well I was happy and so was my sister but that’s when everything started to corrupt. Marcos took us to a party and got piss ass drunk. And during the party my stepsister and me were in the back talking to a couple of guys. Well after the party started to yell and scream at me because for some reason he swore that I was gay. When I got home he threatened to slap me. So I told him that if he thought that it was going to prove a point to go ahead and hit me. Well he hit me 4 times really hard across my face. After that he came to me and started to cry.
To this day I still do not understand my father. I guess he is not someone to be understood since his own mother could never understand him either. My father was a guy stuck in a vivid memory of what he left behind. My father still loved my mother but not in the right way. He loved her for her sex. What made it worse was that he told me all this. So time went by and Fefa got sick of him and left. So Marcos took the opportunity to call my mom and sweet-talk her into coming to Tampa. Well at the time my mom was not with Ramon because he was drinking a lot, and attending his work, and spending too much time with his work friends. So she did what any mother who wants to be with her kids, she went to Tampa!
