Sean McCormick was born in 1823 in Aix-en-Provence, France, the fraternal twin of a French nobleman, Antoine Louis de Bougainville-McCormick, who eschewed his noble stature and became an inker for Marvel Comics. In 1847, after establishing a fort on the Falkland Islands, Sean’s father moved his family to Rochester, New York, to be near Eastman Kodak, because “he liked the smell of developer in the morning.” Antoine Sr. was a stern man who raised the family as a band of circus freaks, and during a show one dark Saturday evening, Antoine Sr., his wife, Griselda, and 15 of their offspring died when the Bearded Lady fell off her perch at the top of the big tent, crushing the entire family, save Sean, who was over arguing with the Goat Lady on the color of a tin can label that she was trying to eat. This had a minor effect on the young Sean, who vowed from then on never to have anything to do with snake handlers, women with excessive facial hair, or cloven-hoofed barnyard animals.

At the tender age of 11, Sean recognized that he was able to write horse poetry that was every bit as good as Amy Grosch’s, the girl he had a crush on in the 3rd grade. Soon he was penning sophisticated political satire and was even able to partially understand the humor behind Doonesbury comics, a feat that has yet to be achieved by even some of the greatest comedic minds in the world.

Upon graduating from high school, Sean was free to pursue his dream of derailing a freight locomotive with only his penis. He was never able to obtain that goal, nor was he even able to convince Southern Pacific to allow him the use of a spare train to practice. In fact, he never even bought the special equipment needed to protect his testicles from the cowcatcher. The path of his life lay cluttered with unfinished projects. For a while, he proclaimed he would digitally restore the 1972 DeForest Kelley, Janet Leigh film Night of the Lepus to its former glory, complete with a 5.1 surround soundtrack and THX. This too, has not been completed. McCormick admitted in 2002 that he had never even seen the film, although he had seen Kelley in several episodes of Star Trek.

Modern critics disagree as to how much disgust and loathing should be awarded to McCormick’s body of work. Some believe it is “beneath contempt” while other critics have argued that “left alone to fester, it will continue to poison the minds of men from all races.” The vast majority of critics continue to ask the question “Who?”

McCormick is the Head of IT at a Houston, Texas-based oil & gas services company. He has a disturbing tendency to hire his friends and to think of his life as a television show. Administration of Paxil, Prozac, and even Flintstone’s Chewable One-A-Day multivitamins have done nothing to alter this belief. Currently in denial, he lives with his wife, Jinny, and his dog, Moxie, in The Woodlands, Texas.