As part of a multipart series, it’s time to delve into Part II:

6 ) Knowledge and communication is key to success.
If you don’t know yourself or your partner, you can’t communicate effectively. If you are unhappy, hurt, or upset, you have to tell the other person. Don’t expect miracles. Your husband/wife is not psychic. In fact, if you are married to me, he may be so boneheaded he doesn’t even understand after you tell him. If you think that you can be “non-confrontational” in a marriage, think again. Marriages are for life, and sooner or later, your significant other is going to do something to tick you off.

7 ) “Ignorance” can be bliss if trust is assured.

Like most couples, Jinny and I have had arguments about money. And like most couples, we argued about the lack there-of, or what happens when you spend a bunch of money (that you don’t have) on your debit card. But at some point it occurred to me that if Jinny knew how much was in the bank, at any time, then we wouldn’t have this problem. So everyday, sometimes twice, Jinny looks at the bank balance. And so she knows if we have money to eat out that night, or if we should stay home. Or if we should be going out of town, or if we should wait until the next payday. In fact, because I trust Jinny, I don’t regularly look at the bank balance anymore. I just assume I have enough money to go to Subway for lunch, or that I can fill the car up tomorrow if the fuel tank is low Obviously, expensive things still require discussion, but I no longer have to worry about a $34 insufficient funds fee for a $2.99 value meal at Wendy’s, and then get mad because Jinny didn’t tell me she bought $150 worth of groceries 5 minutes prior to that on the day before payday.

In this example, I get to be ignorant of the daily bank balance, and Jinny makes sure we don’t bounce checks.
Similarly, Jinny doesn’t worry about car inspections, registration, or oil changes. That is my job.
Because we trust each other, we allow ourselves to ignore things that can cause us undue stress. The underlying element, though, is trust.

8 ) Know your partner’s priorities and your own:
Here is my list of the most important things in my life:
a) my life
b) my self-respect
c) my marriage/wife/family

Don’t think these are always in order as above. I would gladly risk my life for my wife, as I would be willing to lose plenty of self-respect to save my life and or marriage if necessary. But there is line that is drawn; for example, if I caught my spouse cheating and they were not willing to admit that they screwed up and that we needed to work it out, probably with the help of a professional– well, my self-respect is too important to me. My sense of self-worth will not let me put up with that. In very short order my foot would be so far up her ass it would have to be surgically removed. And I can guarantee you I wouldn’t be jumping in front of any cars for my spouse if she wasn’t contrite about her infidelity, either.

If marriage/spouse isn’t in the top two or three things of importance to someone–move on. Things such as Wealth and Sex shouldn’t even make the list. Remember, you marry for richer and poorer. And this part of the vow never mentions whether they are talking about cash, lovemaking or just EPA estimated fuel economy.

9 ) How do you know if your spouse is being unfaithful?
If you are honestly asking this question, there’s your answer.*

10) Friendship is so much more important than “the benefits.”
Before I got married, I was asked by my pastor-friend if I was sure that Jinny was the one for me. One of things that I told him was this: “I really love Jinny, and if we get married, and we wind up never having sex again, I could still live for the rest of my life married to her. We are intimate, sure, but we are best friends first.” Don’t get married solely for passion in the sack. Remember, we may be higher mammals, we are still animals, and there are chemicals involved here… the chemicals that cause you to be initially attracted to your mate will not last forever. Successful marriages require more than a stiffy everytime she walks in the room. Before you DARE get married, ask yourself the very pointed question: Is this person my best friend? If the answer is no, forget it.

*Divorcees and Medically diagnosed paranoids are exempt from this rule. In that case, do some research: Check the phone records, chat history or web activity.