The Reverend Jesse Jackson was holding a press conference in the appliance department of a Sears store in Chicago. He was there to protest the fact that all the washing machines were white. So the clerk called the store manager, who asked, “What’s the problem here, Reverend?” Jesse pointed at the machines and loudly bemoaned the fact that all of them were white. The manager replied, “Well, Reverend, it’s true that all the washing machines are white, but if you’ll open the lids, you’ll see that all the agitators are black.”

Here’s the rules:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

Later, Loyless, Henry (Henry Britt), Sean & Jinny go to Austin’s Sixth Street for an adventure they won’t soon forget, involving lewd paintings, frantic venue hopping, and a leaking water pipe 180 miles away.

Because I’m lazy, it has taken me many days to getting around to answering the call (from Scottie B.) to meme. So, without further ado, here is 20 things about me.

1) I think that the ’safety mavens’ of the world have made the USA way too easy for stupid people to live in. Examples, seat belts, bicycle helmets, and non-smoking are mandatory in some jurisdictions. These people would zip-tie condoms onto the penis of every unmarried man if they could get away with it. Enough is enough. I can take care of myself, thank you. And by the way, I aim for people with bike helmets on.
2) I’m a big Star Trek fan, but I never got past the first half-episode of Enterprise. Rick Berman can suck my left nut.
3) I reserve my right nut for political figures.
4) I’m not nearly as in to video games as most of my friends. The last game I played that I actually had a copy of: Tony Hawk 2.
5) I have no intention of owning an iPod anytime soon.
6) I got started in my current profession because my friend Christine lived next-door to Madelyn, who ran a computer training company.
7) My parents are from Pennsylvania. Most people who hear my father say “Gar-AR-ge” and “WARSH” know he’s not from around here.
8) I started wearing glasses only last November, the day my wife turned 31.
9) I was in a plane crash, in 2002. While they only refer to it as “an incident,” that plane never flew again.
10) Yes, I got to slide down the slide.
11) I got my ticket refunded, which was nice, since I didn’t pay for it in the first place.
12) I go to the Ren Fair every few years just to see if it’s still the freak show it was the last time I went. It always is.
13) My favorite band of all time is still probably Camper Van Beethoven, although the Pixies have now come to a close second.
14) I had never been to Vegas prior to May 2003. I hope never to have to go again.
15) My wife is very sick of Texas, and would like to move far away, to the country. I am slowly coming around to her point of view.
16) I like bodies of water, but not the ocean.
17) My next dog will be named “Moxie 2: Electric Bugaloo” and be called Bugaloo for short.
18) Galveston just tires me out.
19) It seems easier to drive to Austin than to Katy.
20) I actually like my Mother-in-Law.

I haven’t written anything in a while. I was really good in August, but this month, there are just too many things going on, and it’s really hard to sit down long enough to write it up. Plus I’m really rather sick of Katrina-related things.

When the French Quarter reopens, do you think that they will sell mixed drinks in “Katrina” glasses instead of hurricane glasses?

“If the shoe fits, loot it.”

Q: What’s the difference between Jesse Jackson and David Duke?

A: Jesse Jackson is the racist hate-monger that is still in politics.

While working on the latest post for the Church of Jinnyosity, I came across this webpage. It reminded me that I’ve been meaning to write an post for a while about why I’m not a big fan of hard core Christianity. Now, please, do not get me wrong. I believe strongly that the word of Christ is truly important. But Christianity is about living a Christ-like life, and there are too many preachers who think that being Christ-like means wearing a Rolex, an expensive suit, and being on TV.

The above webpage is an excellent example of what is wrong with Protestant Christian Fundamentalism; it deals with how the Bible is selectively quoted, in this case, in reference to condemnation of homosexual behavior. If you take the Bible literally, you have to take it all literally. You can not select which parts of the Bible to take as fact, and which parts to chuck in the trash, or to soften with “What it means is…”

Leviticus is a great book of the Bible to investigate, because so much of the New Testament (thank you, Paul of Tarsus) sweeps it away. Yet it is the exact book that is quoted in reference to anti-homosexual behavior.

For example:

1) Male homosexuality is a capital offense (Leviticus 20:13). (Note that there is nothing wrong with lesbians)
2) Cussing out your parents is a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9)
3) Have sex with a woman on her period and be forced to leave the country. (Leviticus 20:18)
4) Feel free to buy and sell slaves from the countries around you. (Leviticus 25:44-45)
5) Don’t cut your facial hair. (Leviticus 19:27)
6) Don’t eat pork! (Leviticus 11:7)
7) Do not plant more than one crop, and do not wear clothes consisting of more than one type of fabric. (Leviticus 19:19)

Now, you’re going to tell me that Paul of Tarsus and the groovy guys of the New Testament made 2-7 a-okay. But how is that? I see nowhere in the Bible where it says that homosexuality is still wrong while eating bacon, wearing a cotton-polyester blend shirt, and earning your “red wings” is okay now. There is Colossians 2:13-17, which says it’s okay to eat ham, and that because Jesus died on the cross you don’t have to do all the silly things on the sabbath, etc. But then, in Galatians, in not so plain language, it actually says that to follow the of the laws of the Old Testament is tantamount to denying that Christ died for your sins. Since Christ has died, all is well! And that means that if you believe in Jesus, then

YOU CAN’T GO AROUND QUOTING LEVITICUS AS A REASON TO HATE GAY MEN.

10 For all who rely on works of the law are under a curse; for it is written, “Cursed be every one who does not abide by all things written in the book of the law, and do them.” 11 Now it is evident that no man is justified before God by the law; for “He who through faith is righteous shall live”; 12 but the law does not rest on faith, for “He who does them shall live by them.” 13 Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us–for it is written, “Cursed be every one who hangs on a tree.” 14 that in Christ Jesus the blessing of Abraham might come upon the Gentiles, that we might receive the promise of the Spirit through faith.

In fact, to kill homosexuals, or have slaves, or not eat bacon, is bad! And it’s all right there in Bible!

Some of you might ask, well, then, what does the New Testament say about homosexuality? Honestly… virtually nothing. It does talk here and there (Romans 1, 1 Corinthians 6:9) about pedastry, which involved forced male rape by heterosexuals and slave boy prostitutes. This has much more to do with pedophilia than with homosexuality. And pedastry and pedophilia are both of course bad– not because of the homosexual aspect, but because it involves unwilling or coerced participation in underage sexual acts.

So, to conclude, to all fundamental Christians everywhere:

Galatians 5:14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

A real quote, overheard last night at coffee:

“Who is Jackie O?”
“I don’t know…”
“God, she’s like JFK’s wife! I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!”

I found this article online at a British paper, the Independent:

Ray Nagin, the Mayor of New Orleans, said that every day of delay has caused hundreds of deaths. Louisiana’s junior Senator, Republican David Vitter, gave the Bush administration “an F grade” for its handling of the crisis. Senator Chuck Hagel, a leading contender for his party’s nomination to succeed Mr Bush, said, “There must be some accountability.”

We all know that. But keep reading…

The criticism is all the sharper because the President did nothing to alter his holiday schedule for 48 hours. Vice-President Dick Cheney remains on holiday in Wyoming. Condoleezza Rice, the Secretary of State, returned to Washington after being seen shopping for $7,000 shoes in Manhattan as New Orleans went under.

But wait, there’s more!

Officials said that the job of recovering, let alone counting, the dead may not start for weeks. The death toll is likely to far exceed the numbers killed in the 11 September attacks almost exactly four years ago.

Although a government exercise last year predicted the course of the disaster, Mr Bush drastically cut back spending on city defences. Work on strengthening vital levees needed to keep out flood water stopped for the first time in 37 years.

Okay, last time I checked, these people work for US, the people of the United States of America. Not only do I have to go out of the country to find out that Cheney is STILL on vacation, but both Bush and Cheney went on vacation at the same time! I work in IT, and one thing that everyone in IT quickly realizes is that there is something called COVERAGE. You do not all leave on a month-long vacation at the same time!

And $7000 shoes? How much to we pay these people? Apparently, the term “public servant” doesn’t apply to anyone in the Bush entourage.

Of course, this is the same administration the kept reading to children in Florida while the planes came crashing down on a certain day about four years ago, and then created a Department of Homeland Security that apparently can’t define either homeland (hint: inside, not OUTSIDE, our borders) or Security (hint: color-coded alert levels and duct tape and plastic sheeting is not it). If you don’t believe me, see if you answer this question:

Q:Does anyone know why the Louisiana State Guard wasn’t able to respond?
A:Because they are all in Iraq right now!

The slow reaction time to the magnitude of this disaster and the subsequent death is totally inexcusable. Impeachment is possible for “high crimes and misdemeanors.” Remember when Bill almost got the ax for getting a BJ in the Oval Office and lying about it? Did anyone die because of this? No. And yet he was this close to being tarred, feathered, and ridden out of town on a rail.

I would say that the crisis at hand demands several things.

1) A Special Prosecutor. Someone as nasty as Kenneth Starr will do. Sniff out all the things that only the media of other countries will tell us.
2) A Bill of Impeachment for failure to uphold the duties of the office of the President of the United States. These should revolve around the Department of Homeland Security; the inability to protect the borders, and preserve, protect, and defend the citizens of United States from threats, both foreign and domestic, and both natural and manmade. Optional: Going to War on a False Pretext. also known as “Weapons of Mass Destruction My Ass” (heretofore known as WMDMA)
3) A Special Chant. “Hey, hey, LBJ, how many kids did you kill today?” was very catchy. I’m all in favor of “Hey, Yo, W, What the F#ck is Wrong With You?” [F#ck can be changed to Hell if this is yelled in polite company]
4) Tar (preferably made from oil pulled out of the ground with Halliburton equipment)
5) Feathers (chicken, in lieu of the fact that “I got a letter from my Daddy which says I don’t have to go to Vietnam”)
6) Enough rails to ship a whole administration out of Washington.