August 1 -”In the mid sixties, the Beattles [sic] journeyed to India to sit at the feet of Indian gurus. Sometime later George Harrison wrote the song ‘My Sweet Lord.’ This sing glorified a demon-possessed spiritualist Indian guru with Satan as his master. From that moment on, rock music took a turn downward. What had previously been bad became literally dominated by Satan. Modern music started with the plunge into hell itself.”-Jimmy Swaggart

August 2-”It’s been so long since I made love I can’t remember who gets tied up.”-Joan Rivers

August 3 -”To hell with the natives!”-John Wayne on the Indians

August 4 -”People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius.”-Jerry Lewis

August 5 -”I never understand how two men can write a book together, to me that is like three people getting together to have a baby.”-Evelyn Waugh

August 8 -”I was in love once, but they gave me a shot and it went away.”-Rosie O’Donnell

August 9 -”The only thing I liked in America was Peter Paul Mounds.”-Charlie Chaplin

August 10-”Look, ask me what paper came to my desk last week and I couldn’t tell you.”-Ronald Reagan

August 11-”I’ll go anywhere I want to go, anytime I want to go. I had a great time. They had a great golf course.”-Frank Sinatra on Sun City, South Africa

August 12-”What, when drunk, one sees in other women, one sees in Garbo sober.”-Kenneth Tylan

August 15-”We are like McDonald’s; we have a wonderful product. Our Egg McMuffin is called Ronald Reagan.”-Newt Gingrich

August 16-”Ours was the generation that stayed up all night. Indeed, we spent so little time in bed most of us only had one child.”-James Thurber

August 17-”You don’t tell us how to stage the news, and we won’t tell you how to report it.”-Larry Speakes

August 18-”It’s glitz and glitter, but good glitz and glitter.”-David Wolper on the Statue of Liberty extravaganza

August 19-”We’ve done the bugger!”-Sherpa Tensing on climbing Everest

August 20-”[Black children are] probably the best nourished group in the United States.”-Member of Reagan task force on hunger

August 21-”Reagan rarely does his homework…it’s a shame this man is president.”-Tip O’Neill

August 22-”That image of driving along with the top down, and the palm trees whizzing over your head, and some bimbo beside you, that’s why I came out here.”Connecticut builder, explaining his move to Malibu

August 23-”A solar panel on a sex machine.”-Alan Simpson describing his bald head

August 24-”Get out there and kick some ass. God be with you.”-Sister Mary Martin to Boston Red Sox right-hander Bob Stanley

August 29-”Hey, the last three times you’ve asked, I’ve said yes. What else do you want?”-Andrea Miller to Sean McCormick

August 30-If Botticelli were alive today he’d be working for vogue.”-Peter Ustinov

August 31-”Far too noisy, my dear Mozart, far too many notes.”-Emperor Ferdinand of Austria on The Marriage of Figaro
September